She says, he says, they say. I say?

Few things people don't know about me. I barf nearly every morning when i brush my teeth and i love being in front of the camera. No, not while i barf..and yes, i love the camera and the camera obviously loves me. It's only mutual. I actually practice my pose in the mirror to see which angle do me taller. I earned the supermodel title, because wherever i go, wherever i stand, squat, lie ...whenever with whomever, i will always strike a pose. It's like I'm traveling with my own lighting director and a complete setting of a fashion spread photo shoot. Not!

Who am i kidding?

Nobody's perfect in this world. But when i cant be perfect, I'll try my best to be as close to perfection as possible. I dress good, not expensive. I dine well, not expensive either. I date notorious talented musicians, definitely not expensive. I used to cut my own hair out of boredom. Pierced my eyebrows (3 times) myself. I make my own clothes – (my prom dress costs me 50 bucks and i won best dressed).

I live in a world where doing it yourself is better than getting it in stores. Some say I'm a hippie (curly), some say I'm creative and talented (family and friends)..but most say I'm just plain lucky. Ick.

Let me get this straight, so the rest think that i just sit at home, do nothing and luck comes tumbling down from the 7^th heaven? This might sound a tad bit too cliché, but honey...

“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity” – Little Black Book

Let's go back, way back in the days where i was a virgin and my band mates just learn the proper way to shave.

School.

I sleep 70% out of the whole duration of being in school. Primary, secondary..rega

rdless. But i always score good results. Why? Because when everybody was out partying, talking for 5 hours on their parents' landlines with some hip hop guy who rides scoots, getting their beauty sleep, i was up and awake. Studying.

Singing.

In the early days of trying to find my identity in singing, i had to try just about anything and do just about everything i could (sleeping with organizers..not one of them!). From classical, soul to ska-punk to indie-pop-rock. Then i met an organizer through a certain most hated ex-boyfriend. The organizer, Tod had a little thing for me. He knew i sang so he invited me to sing with a big band whom I've watched over the past years. From then on, after getting to know some musicians from the shows i did with the band, i was known...a little at least.

Work.

Work is good when i didn't have to think of what people think about me. But as time goes by, and you see the same shit-faced-gossip mongers everyday...you hear things, you see things – clearer. I never thought I'd be the one to say this, but I've become so conscious of what people might think or say..it's driving me nuts.

I hate the fact that people think it's too easy being me. Guys want me, girls wanna be me (curly)..what could possibly be so hard about that? One might think. If guys want me, i wouldnt have any problems calling Lil and tell him of how much i want to see him.

Somehow, I do get a feeling that people may say that I've been using my sexuality towards getting what i want in life. Isn't sex another form of power? And when men could use their power to get whatever they want in bigger scale, why do women resort to feeling ashamed when they do the same?

I haven't for once used sex as an exchange for anything except for plain pleasure. I play my game clean so at the end of the day, when wrinkles appear and my children are around to hear things about their Singing Supermodel mom, i wont have to clean the mess I've made.

I worked hard to get to where i am (which is still nowhere) now. No free rides, no closetted high class prostitution, no cheap thrills but maybe just a bit of harmless flirtation.

Sometimes, i think this blessing is a curse in disguise. Then I'd sound ungrateful. But other times i thought...

“I'm here because of you, so now go jump out the window.”

ssx

The wedding day

Lately I've been thinking about marriage. An eternal life of imprisonment. I was intrigued by the fact that married people have more fun than those who only engage in periodical unserious relationships. These few days of not having anything to do have made me strangely calm and even more imaginative than usual.

At one glance, seeing those who have been married for years and while walking around with their baby in the stroller looking all happy, somehow will make any cynical mind to envious relief.

Behind closed doors, none of us will feel how they feel being married and of course they will never know how we feel coming back to an empty studio apartment listening to the vacant sound of the contemporary style we managed to pull without having to worry about child safety and what not.

Yes, life is fabulous when you're alone sitting in a fashionable restaurant sipping on your petrol-like wine. And as people look through the tinted glass, they will wonder how on earth could we afford such extravagant lifestyle. Of course we can. We earn an X amount of money and all we do is pay the bills and save some for some emergency cases like when your tires go flat and stuff, and the rest...you invest on some leather goods which you choose to believe is a good investment in the years to come.

On men in my life, having none in possession but plenty to look after, i cant imagine with one of them all to myself the whole entire day together. I could barely keep a straight face and pretend how i was still enjoying the conversation after just 4 hours of being with a guy.

I get bored easily so to be around me, you either have to be extremely hot or you'd have to be really interesting. If not, I'd rather have a long stare at those hot pink Stella McCartney pumps i wish were mine.

Back to marriage, i imagine my husband to be hot of course. With a very cool look, meaning not trying too hard fashionably. He has to have a promising career which has to be realistically ambitious. When i say career, i don't mean those office jobs where you sit in a room and result to heart attack after being in there for 20 years. Some interesting ones like...an underwater cameraman for discovery channel..or maybe a large scale fisherman..a master diver! Hmmmm...a music producer or a drummer. If only we could go into a hubby market and go by departments and pick them out from their designated aisles.

I would categorize mine as Hot-musically inclined-talented-appreciative-nature lover. “Aisle #44632, miss. And good luck to you! Hubbies are refundable if you must know.”

Do i really care of how my husband is going to be or just how he would look walking around with me covering our eyes with huge Loewe™ aviators running away from paparazzi?

As i realize how much strong of a character i am, I'd need a stronger man in my life who can say things that will make me go “whoa..”. Someone who can guide me to be a better person. He has to be everything that I'm not.

I'm bad at time keeping and have been in big big troubles before, so i need someone to yank me out of my dreams and get real.

....

Back to my husband, we would spend our weekends lying on the hammock reading books. He would enjoy the koi pond we have in our garden. On holidays, we would go east to where the dolphins and the whales are and go dive with them.

At times when he's too busy recording some bands, he would sleep in the studio and i will always come down to keep him company. His parents are so cool that they would always come by to hang out with us and i, a person who is sooo bad with people parents, would be so cool with it.

He must be more religious than i am. He has to be a good leader of the family, thus a good father of my future children. I want my husband who might work in the creative industry to still be grounded, rooted.

My children, Mylo and Allegra (hahaha. I know you're rolling your eyes, curly) will be loved and they will get the love of a father I never had. They will be so close to their pops that I'd be jealous sometimes.

....

The wedding. I mean THE wedding. Will be a simple one by the beach. Only 100 – 200 guests wearing all sorts of colorful dresses and retro suits. Dancing around to the beats of my wedding song, Ceremony by New Order.

Or...

It could be in an old castle! With guests wearing black and i, the only one wearing Vivienne Westwood's white gown with a gradient of rose red. Good food, good music. Industrial setting. Booka Shade, Aril Brikha with a hint of Mr Decay. With many many musician friends to flood the marble floors of the castle with trailing great coutures.

Ahhhhh. In my dreams.

Today i might be thinking of weddings and what to name my 3^rd child with Lil or even how i''d cope with sleeper's European lifestyle. Tomorrow, next week i could be stressing over the fact that i just want to be alone.

But there's no harm in imagining, yes?

ssx

Life as dauphine

Marie,

You were young and beautiful. Given the biggest responsibility any young woman could ever be held for. Sacrificing a whole lot of motherland fashion, family and friends..you abide by the very strict rules of the unfamiliar. Disguising your yearnings with extravagant lifestyle you chose, you were not happy with the man you were destined to be with. You refused to give in and walk away from what you've been blessed or was it cursed..? and after all you've done, sacrificed..you were killed by those you sacrified your whole life for. How unfair.

It's different between you and i, in this matter. I was hoping that my mother would say "Farewell, my dearest. Do so much good to the French people that they can say that I have sent them an angel." I would be more than glad to be taken far far away especially when that place is France. Why were you unhappy, marie?

Being the most beautiful woman in the country, you earned a certain respect. A respect that i, as a person as cynical as i am, think - only bestowed upon those who deserve it least.

You were expected to do so much in so little time. The man you thought you love couldnt satisfy your needs. He could not please you for it was not just for plain satisfaction. It was a promise to your new land. You both did not communicate unless it was in public where both of you were supposed to be role-models of the century.

I dont blame you, marie. I really do know how you feel. Really. Those time and fun you had with your secret lover cured the little time you were hurt with such plenty more to be mended. Your heart was the most loyal of hearts that have ever been stabbed. You stayed with the one you vowed to be with forever.

This whole life of yours is quite similar to mine. Except that my life was still going on even after those who i sacrificed for.......killed me.

Love,

ssx

Sour Times™

After locking myself in this concrete walls of what i call the peaceful side of the world for a year, i miss my city life. Not entirely disconnected from the civilization, i have come to a point where life being alone is just not me anymore. I am comfortable with being with myself, dont get me wrong. But as you grow older you can't help but to realize that this world we live in doesnt only evolve around us.

A guy i met last night after a short hour in the studio, while waiting for my local burger to be made by an obviously non-local lad, said some wise words to me. He chatted me up for abit and i got interested in what he had to chat about.

His name was Francis, an African dude who looked decent form my view. I decided to lend an ear after seeing how he somehow knows what's going through my mind.

A man who is man who has no friend. Is a fool. And that man lives in a mortuary. He said.

What does that mean? A man who works tilll he dies? A foolish man who works as a morgue keeper?

One thing went through my mind immediately. That man is dead. Because he has no friends.

Going back to the days when i was in school. I was always one of the very few who didnt like to socialize. Coming from a school where all the people in the city would consider as the Elite school, i was very much different from everyone else. Even to curly. Curly was a weird one, still is, but many would still want to be her friends. While me...i was a loner.

In college, guys who didnt have the priviledge of being close to me would either say i've slept with them or i'm a stuck-up whore (<--there's no such thing as this, seriously). Girls would say i think i'm too good to be friends with them. One question i had for them that until now they couldnt answer...have they ever been a friend or at least try to get to know me?

Right now, i'm working in an organization where europeans rule and asians slave. It's a known fact that they somehow feel that they have the power, the upperhand to treat people like shit.

Let's not go into detail on that.

After months of thinking it though, i've made my choice(s).

1. Move, bitch!

i need to move back to the city. Maybe not right smack in the awful suffocating heart of the city, but closer. Close enough to smell the desperation of people chasing their way to wealth and fame. But not close enough to hear them screech their expensive tires on the wide wide one way streets.

2. Back to School

i'm going to join 17 year olds back to school. I will get into this once everything's sorted. I dont want to jinx it.

3. Join the group permanently

i'm the official female singer of the group. So i'd have to get ready for the whole make-up drama which is about to happen soon. Very soon. Next week is already the photoshoot for the next album cover. Panic! Panic!

4. Stay in the water

stay in the water, below the global radar of the so-called 'real people of the city'.

.....

I havent finalized my ways of completing the missions, but i wish i could get everything sorted before the end of this year. Fingers crossed.

ssx

Sick For Toys

Midnight striked as i held to my new cell with no msg tones. It's official...those who knew, totally forgot about it. Those who didnt, still didnt know about it. This obsession is definitely a very unhealthy thing for me. And over all the things i could possibly be neurotically obsessed about...i was still obsessed about my birthday. Just as i thought i could be cool about it...i wasnt.

I knew Lil didnt know about that day so i called upon the reigning queen of hearts from the kingdom of boobies, curly. The highness herself has a newly found object of obsession, a minor. No wait! A sexy minor. He was a guy curly met and corversate briefly in an event of another upperside gig nite. She told him he was hot and he smiled as though he knew he was THAT hot that made curly feel hotter that she just walked away not knowing what else to say.

She has been in denial saying things like, she would be soooo over his hotness once he made a move. I doubt it. At the rate she's going now...even sweater was lost with her words when listening to curly talking about this guy we would call coke. As addictive as it, as fine and as hard to get as possible.

He's her designer drug. Period. After a few more intentional-accidental-bumping into each other, they were practically dating already since the people they both knew, knew each other. One day me and the girls were having a very unfashionable lunch, coke called curly...she looked nervous and spitted out some wrong wrong things but somehow, with charm and wit...that will certainly leave coke weak in the knees.

I thought to myself, what if all the men whom i thought i wanted, will only call me out of surprise and make me smile foolishly like how curly is doing. Wouldnt it be fabulous? I realized i'm always stucked to the ones who reserve themselves too much. Phonecalls are like buying an island. Phone msgs are like shooting off to the moon and stick a banner that says...”i'm thinking about you”. Seeing each other is like accidentally running into a beautiful unicorn with glass eyes. And proper dates? Are like...impossible.

Its a good thing how coke swooped in curly's life at the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend. Classic. And i told curly to play it good since this is time when he needs sex the most! You know, play classic with the classic player.

As surprises comes and in the lives of my dear loved ones, i had one for myself. I had a recording scheduled the day after my birthday. Since i had to celebrate my 24^th on the curb, at the corner of my least favourite coffee joint and the fact that all of my friends were somehow busy, i was not in a very good mood. Rossa totally forgot about my birthday...surprisingly.

The next day. Rossa called asking whether he could send me back from the studio i was scheduled for - later that night. I said, yea...maybe.

While i was struggling to stay awake in the freezing studio...i heard the boys from the group calling me to come to the front foyer for a quick meeting. So i went to the front. And when i got there, there were many faces of those whom i barely know and they were singing the birthday song. There was a cake too! With candles lit on it and words written across it which says “happy 24^th birthday ssx. From rossa”.

It may not be better than having it on my real birthday itself...but i was touched. Cuz i've never been so surprised, and this time i didnt have to pretend i was actually surprised. I knew i was going to cry. But i kept macho-ed up for the crowd. But then again, i thought....fuck 'em cuz in the words of Lesley Gore, “it's my party and i'll fucken cry if i want to”..

ssx

Birthday™

Today i turned to another number, year, age. A number when i was a kid, would have imagined to be having kids by now. I'm proud of myself for all the things i've achieved at this mere age. There are so many to be corrected, mended but i'm still standing, still going strong.

I left my mom's right before midnight. I knew i would shed tears as this year is different than the previous ones. I avoided of being celebrated, i avoided the part where you'd have to announce your age and everybody will start to measure the ups and downs of me in that particular age. Like for this year, i'd have to be married.

I spent most of my birthdays lying on my mother's lap and she would tell me the same story over and over again. The story of her in labor. It was a very exciting story that i've almost memorized the story word by word and still enjoy it every time.

According to her, it was hell giving birth to me. She was alone the entire time throughout the whole process. My father, who left her right before that was not to be seen anywhere, so she went to the government hospital by herself – in labor. I never know the pain of being in labor but as i've heard, nothing is more painful than it.

The labor process took forever. More than 12 hours she was in pain and at last, the doctor announced that the baby (me) was already upside down and if my mother pushes me out, she'd die.

They had to do an operation. My mother said when i was born, i looked like a little monkey. Red and hairy...all over. She said she was glad the baby was a girl, so now at this age, she has a girlfriend who will always love and be loved unconditionally.

God knows how much i love her as she is the only one i got. I called her on my way back to my place. I pulled over, called her at strike midnight..

ma, its 12.00am..its my birthday. Just wanna say thank you for being my mother in all these years. Sorry for i've caused you heartaches, i've lied, i've been rude to you, slammed the door before you, screamed at you, didnt spend enough time with you and everything else i did...i'm sorry. I'm glad we have each other. I'm not good with words with you, please do know that i will change, i will be better someday, you'll see. And of course, this only daughter of yours loves and will love you till the end of time..

My other set of parents are coming back from the Holy land today. And THAT is the best thing a girl could ever get for her birthday...her family all together at one table, having a good meal.

This birthday for me means a lot as i finally know the meaning of being a year older. The sense of responsibility, the art of handling things as an adult. It's nice knowing that i've survived my previous year and am quite ready for this new one.

For those who never gave up on me, keep loving me for who i am and those who wish me only the best things in this world...thank you.

Those who sent me text msgs...thank you so much.

Sweater, the underwater camera you gave to me was one of them best in this whole wide world. I'll get it fixed soon, i promise :)

Aiden, you gave me what i've always wanted since i was a child! A Polaroid camera!! Thank you so much hun.

Shopper, the Lampe Berger was the most expensive and i appreciate it so much, you wont believe it!

Thanks for believing in me and this person called The Singing Supermodel right here is a new person. A person who aged gracefully, without a single fine line to ruin such work of art. And when being asked of how old she is, she answers... “i'm at my fabulous 24” ;)

ssx

Oceania part deux

As i felt like the heat was getting into my skin and the humidity kept waking me up from sleep, i felt Lil's shoulder next to my face...and a blanket over my skin. I couldnt remember much of how i passed out, but i was sure there wasnt much cloth covering myself. My mouth tasted like dump and surely smells like it too...so as a normal girl who is still very conscious about her appearance, smell – u know, the nerve-wrecking beginning part of a new thing, went to the toilet to wash off the vodka smell out of my mouth. I crawled back under the sheet and accidentally woke Lil. He was tossing and turning complaining about the whether as how Englishmen would always start off a conversation with. That english side is only taking 50% of him, so i was safe.

Suddenly, while Lil was trying to go back to sleep, i got a text msg from aiden, “hey! I'm already at the jetty! Watchout islanders!”. The network coverage on the island esp on Lil's side was shitty. So when i checked the time sent, it was at 10 am and at that point, it was already 11+. i panicked. With my head still heavy, with the hot hot whether... there's no way i could walk back to my room. I tried to send him a msg telling him just go to my guitarist's room and get the spare keys from them because i couldnt remember my own room number. But i guess it was too late. By the time he received the msg he probably had already waited cluelessly on the beach for an hour. I felt so bad.

(11ish am) Ssx: “hey, i'm on the other side of the island with some of my friends, get the key from my guitarist. He's in room number 5”, so i thought i heard them saying that the night before at the bar.

After about an hour later, aiden replied: “it's okay, you take your time. I got into the room already”

I tried to sober myself up and so was Lil. He opened the door to ease the heat. I was looking for my keys and cigarettes when Lil said...

Lil: are you looking for your license?

Ssx: how do you know i brought my license?

Lil: your license, your room key, your marlboro reds. And oh yea...your 4 dollars :) you told me alotta stuff last nite. Hehe.

Ssx: i did? (shit! Shit! SHIT!)

Lil: yea i guess i dont have to go to the cinema to check out the movie since i already know the whole storyline. (grins)

Fuck. I told him about my possible acting job i was offered recently. That's it supermodel! Youre done.

I excused myself from getting more embarassed. He walked me halfway and i walk myself back through the jungle to my room.

When i got back, i saw aiden sleeping on my bed. I thought to myself, why am i doing this to him? Why do i become this sneaky lil whore who goes around having fun while this good guy right here was there all along. Yes, we broke up...but the things he would do to claim himself were tremendous. I was the one who invited him on this trip as a token of appreciation. He has showed me the world and not even once asked for anything in return.

And no, i didnt invite both aiden and lil to the island so i could do the oompa loompa with 2 guys. I invited lil at first..cuz he's more the island type. But he said he'd be busy...so i asked aiden if he would like to see the other side of the world, the more natural side which he was born not to have the energy to appreciate. He agreed.

I looked around the room looking for the unnecessary stuff he could possibly carry with him to the island. Maybe his macbook, burberry duffle, maybe even a pair of his Nike leopard print court force low. He is capable of being such a brat he is. I warned him about how we usually travel light to places where electricity isnt on 24 hours and tap water is salty.

And he listened. For the first time, he listened to what i say. This is how it is. When you are in a relationship, you pick on the negativity instead of appreciating the positive. You talk and he wont listen. You get frustrated and eventually you both stop talking. You keep it to yourself so long till it blows and by then it'd be too late. But when you break up, you realize the things you're missing out on and how listening to each other helps.

In aiden's case, it went on for 2 yrs plus. But somehow, when i only found a small backpack lying on the floor, i knew he finally wants to try my way.

I tried to wake him up. He opened his eyes and stared at me as if he knew where i was earlier, what i was doing, and with whom. Then he said he needed a couple of hours to rest. He was from a huge outdoor event in the city. One of his first breaks as a DJ. After he was done with the after party, he straight flew out to join me. I could see from his face, he partied too much with too much chemicals the night before so i bought him something to eat and off i went back to the happening beach.

I wore my striped bikini and Sleeper's baseball tee over it. I went to Joe's shop to get curly's bikini. Another excuse to talk to him. I was curious of how he takes my behavior the night at the bar.

As i was paying for the bikini, he asked, “you remember what we talked about last night?”

i smiled and just walked off. I enjoyed the attention, i enjoyed the feeling that more than 2 guys are willing to be with me, but as i was walking, i couldnt help but wonder...are they going to be there when i'm down and scared to my death?

I went back to the room to aiden's warm comfort.

Days went by and we were having the time of our lives. Aiden was being such a good sport. We were both checking out hot people at the beach. We sang, fought a little, made up and was flying high on life.

One day, i wanted aiden to see what i see at the happening beach. So we went down there and soaked ourselves in the beautiful coral-less clear waters of the island. We took off our kits and went skinny dipping...in the daylight! It was fun and wild. Him being a good friend didnt take any advantage from the whole situation.

I knew Lil would be on the beach somewhere. To sort his mission out of getting his roommate out of the lock-up. At about 6.30 pm, we head back to the open area which leads to the tropical jungle which we had to go through to go back to our side of the island. Just as we were walking, i saw a bunch of people by the beach..sitting on the sand.

And Lil was one of them. I stopped and said hi. Model, his brother was there and he was with his new girlfriend. I walked off knowing it'd be awkward with aiden behind me and he knew none of those people.

As we were just entering the tropics, my guitarist and his girlfriend came out of it and invited us to join them for dinner. So we did. We wanted to go back before dark so we could actually see where we were going...but what the hell.

As we were having dinner, model came to our table to join us. He introduced us to his girlfriend. She was nice, and pretty too. Thought lil would come join us too, but he just passed us by with a weird look and said ,”gonna get a shower, guys”.

It was weird, plain weird.

The final night we were on the island, some locals who heard me singing in front my room while being so high that i couldnt remember i ever did that, invited us to play acoustic at lil's resort. And while getting ready, i borrowed my drummer's cellphone to check my msgs. Ouh, by the way, i dropped my whole bag in the water when we went diving and clever me brought my good ol phone, aiden's phone, a digital camera and an underwater camera with us onto the boat..so everything sogged. It went downhill from there.

A text msg came in and to my surprise, it was lil. He said, “party at mine. Tonight”. Hell yeah i will!

We got there and a DJ was already spinning, so there goes the chance of singing acoustic out of the window. Lil was sitting on the bar, yes...ON the bar alone. He looked sad as he always does. I went up to him and we talked for abit. He didnt look so happy so i left. Because i'm never the type who be all “awww..you dont look so well” or “is there anything i could do to make it better?”. Na-ah.

Aiden and i stepped out when a fight was starting to scare us a lil bit. So we walked to palm tree in the heavy rain. Joe was there. He looked at me and just smiled. As though he was inviting me over to talk to him. Aiden was enjoying the rain and was talking to lil's band mate.

Ssx: hey, tonite's my last night here. So maybe during this coming monsoon..if you decide to come down to the city...we could chill or something.

Joe: oh yeah? What happened the other nite? You left early. How did you go back?

Ssx: ouuhhh...ermm lil sent me back cuz he's been very protective. We've know each other for years...

Joe: i heard you slept with him

Ssx: excuse me?!?!

Joe: yea...you heard me. Someone told me you had sex with lil

My face was numb, i could feel a truck running me over with the speed of a train. My mind was exploding and in my heart...i just wanted to get out.

Joe: are you playing games with me? You went back with lil, your ex is here with you and youre trying to flirt with me?

Ssx: you know what, i'll make it easier for you. I'm leaving.

He grabbed my arms and screamed...

Joe: Lil! Lil was the one who told me and you know what? He said the sex was boring!

Wait. NOW my head really explodes. My tears were flooding and i could feel like the world spinning around me slowly as i tried to make my way through the crowd. I could see lil from the corner of my eye. I dare not look at him as i could feel my anger and fear building up to form the violent supermodel i used be.

I left palm tree wishing i had never known that place, the people. It was a typical dramatic scene in a soppy movie. A broken hearted girl walking or practically running in the rain.

I got into the room and took so much chemicals and tried so so hard to forget about everything that happened. What made me so sad was not the fact that Joe got to know anything that happened, it was about lil. Why did he tell someone who's a no one and God knows how many other people on the island has known about it.

I cried and i cried. Aiden who didnt know anything, comforted me and told me that everything will be okay. But little did he know...nothing will ever be okay from then on.

On our back to the city, we met lil's brother at the airport. I couldnt look at him in the face thinking he could be one of those who knew about what happened. He acted normal but i didnt. The first thing that came to my mind was...everybody knew what happened and it was boring.

When i got back at my mom's place from the airport, i rushed to the phone with my backpack still on my back. I called Lil. I feel that i deserve a damn good explanation from him.

Ssx: hey lil

Lil: hey whats up? Youre home?

Ssx: yea. Hey lil, did you tell anyone what happened the other nite?

Lil: why would i? It'd be very immature of me to do so. What happened?

Ssx: someone told me you've been telling people and what we did was boring. And i can't tell you who.

Lil: If i think youre boring, we wouldnt be talking now. I wouldnt be picking up your phonecalls, we wouldnt be doing it over and over again. I'm a blunt guy. I say it when i feel it, straight up. No hassle. Do you wanna believe a stranger?

Ssx: i'm not saying i believed him. Thats why i'm calling to ask you first. I'm a big girl lil, you can say it to me. If you have anything to say, just say it. No wonder you were acting all weird the whole time.

Lil: i was acting weird because your ex was there and i hate the whole complication. i didnt say those things alright. Please trust me.

Ssx: so i trust you?

We continued talking and for the first time we actually talked...in a state of utter soberness. People might say he's lying and that anyone wouldve denied it. But i just wanted to judge it by myself. And i personally think he was telling the truth.

Minutes went by when i realized i should get myself sorted. So as we hung up, i started my mission. Then i received a msg from him.

“Anyways, I think that was quite low of JOE to say something like that. I did not say those things but i do remember joe saying he had a chance with you so he was curious where we went”.

He knew it was Joe. Stupid Joe! Men are getting smarter i can see. They used to have birds flying in their brains but now, they keep it busy with thinking of how to get a woman in bed with them even if it calls for a low low act of telling on their friends and even worst, telling on something which wasnt even true.

The trip wasnt a perfect one, yes. I lost 2 phones, 2 cameras, a striped top which fell in the middle of the sea and a summer fling. A whole lotta gift for the nature. Nature might need a little techno to spice things up, u know. And the classic Dolce lime top was my fashionable gift to the nature. A turtle might find it fancy and parade it around the beach or something.

I did good. i guess. And remember how i wish i hadnt known that island. I take that back. I will surely make a come back and when i do, i'd be more fabulous than ever...

Ssx