Bachelorette

Friday is a day i would look forward to in a week. Since the ever unforgettable Big BU, i couldnt keep my feet off the grounds of my favorite club. The usuals whom i meet there often, curly - has been reminding me of the date. 20^th July. Curly is not a friend. She's more of a lover. We used to go to the same school, we used to sing with the same band, used to do so many many weird things together. But yet have never ever fought for the same male attraction. Not that we tried not to. We somehow have very similar taste in men but very different perception towards them.

When the awaited arrived, like a prince we know would sweep our feet off the ground to take us far far away from our kingdom. So i let my prince, The Friday take me on that journey. The journey was supposed to take me to a kingdom of that special music-maker, called Sleeper. Sleeper was the guy i drooled over everyday. Waiting for the day he would turn to me and say “can i be yours forever?”. But it didnt happen. Of course. Somehow, the feeling of being with him is so foreign, makes me yearn for more.

It all started when i fooled around with him while Aiden, my latest ex was spinning. Me and Aiden was already having problems when i found out he wasn't telling the truth. I went out of control and grabbed the next gorgeous person i saw, which was sleeper. Me and sleeper have been seeing each other since. Though the affair only constitutes feeling-less bedroom sessions – at his place. It didnt matter. As much as i thought i would be cool to be just “that” to him, i knew the good side of me is telling me it wasn't right. So many months after the first encounter with the foreign feeling, i left it linger only in my dreams. Sleeper's messages weren't replied. His gigs passed me by without any stressful temptation.

Somehow, i felt that that night, i wanted to just let go and see Sleeper. Aiden however, a dance music enthusiast will of course be there. Curly cursed the night by saying, “what if, they were all there at the same place, in the same room?”. I left the paranoia behind, regardless the fact that they might all be there. Sleeper, of course cuz he was spinning, Aiden, who never fails to attend such events, Chinaman, another notoriously talented musician....and....my version of Mr Big, total dreamboat....Mr Lil.

I will get to Chinaman soon, i promise.

I walked into the club feeling great. I saw Aiden and chilled with him most of the time. Being a loner he is, he looked excited to be in the smoked room. We just broke up 2 ½ months ago. We are still good friends. And despite the fact i am still in love with him, i was still hoping the night would end with Sleeper being beside me.

Curly who was with her ex as well, went to another part of the club, upstairs. Texted me saying she saw Mr Lil. Shite. And in the midst of the pumping sounds of Sleeper, i got another text message, from chinaman. I ignored it and told myself. Okay, supermodel...leave them all alone now. It's time to give them all up. You're beginning to look like an asshole.

I told Aiden, the sober me needs her beauty sleep for a wedding show the next day. We left the club. Him in his gorgeous ride...me in mine. On my way back, i called Mr Lil. Told him i was already out of the club. He knew i was there since he saw the sight of Curly's gorgeous physic passed him by without saying hi. He invited me over later that night (morning).

His place. That's another story. His place – cum studio is a very nice place. Near my neighborhood. He has been my friend since i was 18, still hooked to under eye concealer and my night-time-friend. I used to have a lil monkey love with his very good friend. After awhile of not seeing him around, i heard he just broke up with some gorgeous women. He was single, i was still going through my post-BU syndrome, we met at a bar. Single us mingled, flirted via text messages very often. Honestly, he didnt have anything i would want in a guy. Never thought i'd be attracted to him, but somehow, i did. He reminds me of Paul McCartney. Lazy eyes, lazy hair. And i know people would say i'm BS-ing about this, but i think this is the first time i'm genuinely attracted to guy. Not because of their talent or fame or even their special tools.

He is a very shy guy. Never the type who would step up to the stage and be in the limelight despite being a known drummer. He often hangs out with his good friends at his place. I did join them a couple of times. But it was awkward. Everybody knew what was going on between us, but somehow didnt want to leave us alone so we could chat privately.

We kissed once, a very perfect first kiss. Under the moonlight below the shady hundred-year-old trees at dawn. We did not quite talk after the kiss. Because less than a hour after the lovely moment, he mentioned he couldnt commit to anything after - HIS version of the BIG BU.

I didnt mind it. So what if he doesnt want to commit? It's not like i would want to at this point of my life.

He mentioned that it wasnt the studio-home he was expecting me to see him at. It was another place. An expensive condo i always wish i'd stay in - in the future everytime i drive by it. A new one very very near to my mom's – where i would chill every weekend. My parents went out of town that weekend, which means i could do anything i want come back whatever time i want. I told him i wanted to freshen up first. He said he would be alone waiting for me. I went back, showered and got ready. The fact that a gorgeous guy is waiting for me to 'come' made me nervous to my bones.

So i got to his place around 5 am. To my surprise, his model brother brought half of the club back. I wouldnt be surprised if he brought back the bars and bartenders with him too. Lil said he didnt know it was gonna be like that.

We chilled in his room after most of the people chiowed. It was very funny. Both of us knew what was gonna happen if we plunged into another unspeakable act of THE SECOND KISS. So we were both putting up acts. I was being the cool-nice-girl while him, he was uncomfortably scrolling up and down the cursor on his mac. We were 6 feet away from each other. A baby elephant could sit comfortably in between us. It could even roll around, and even that wasnt impossible. He came closer, pulling me in between his thighs. It was so awkward and was hurting my ass.

He smiled. He was so calm and his calmness turned me on that very second. We then were lying down next to each other talking about things which arent very important to the situation. It felt like when i was in high school, when lying next to a gorgeous guy was orgasmic enough. He moved closer to make his way to my tiny lips. We held each other so close, like we havent seen each other for years and that, this thing we were doing, we supposed to happen light years ago. The pleasures of waiting and patience.

In my head, i felt like i was gonna burst. He opened his eyes once in awhile to see whether i was okay, whether he wasnt pressing too hard. How do i know? I kinda left my eyes opened a lil bit. Just curious to see how pleasured his expressions were. Haha.

He took his time, he pleased me. He was nothing like who i'd imagine he would be. Not as foreign or adventurous as Sleeper, but he was good at what he was doing. Calm...inhaling the scent of my hair. Touching my face, kissing my stomach. He took 2 hours of his life to do that to me. I was flattered. Cuz i gave up on men around the world and just take them as being so damn busy that they had to jump right into it and left the crime scene 20 minutes later without going down south.

We then went to sleep. He slid over to snore right next to my ear. That wasnt a problem to my hearing, but the sound of text messages...urgghh i can never stand. It was 11.30 am the moment my guitarist called saying we had to be at the show venue in an hour time.

The wedding reception was my producer's. A big garden wedding which opened up to public - to see and witness celebrities eat their way to bloatness. Rain poured leaving us as wet as i was hours prior to the celebration. Amps were switched off to avoid any fatal injury to the upcoming bands playing. Since my guitarist had to run to another state, to be at another wedding, we left the venue without playing.

I spent the whole weekend sleeping away. I'm at my very lazy mode, and till it gets switched off, i will not hesitate on coming to work late or sleep my way through sundays. But that sunday, i had studio time. 2 whole hours. It went well..until i had the urge to send another long, nervous text message to Lil.

I knew i would say stupid things, so i called upon the council. Sweater, shopper, curly. 2 answered i should text him despite the fact he has not left, not even a message on me since the goodbye kiss. And another one, being the cynical she is, said NO.

i went with the popular vote and my own temptation. I texted him casual and breezy. He somehow hinted(more than once) that it was just something we do sometime. He actually worded: “Don't take me seriously cuz i'm not” and “That's my purpose...to have fun”. I wasn't very bugged by the bubbles burst. But the fact that he kept reminding me it was nothing. Do i look that dumb?

I left it hanging. Yes, i am - that very cool singing supermodel you see at clubs, gigs, with such cool musician friends. But that doesn't mean i could do this to myself. Disrespect myself just to be accepted. I take myself as a reasonable, sane human being. Cool. But actually i'm not. I'm still that little girl with braces, conservative, who wants her future husband to be a lucky guy to have her for the rest of his life. Can't a supermodel settle for being nice and preppy? Without the perceptions that she's an addict or sleeping with rockstars? Being reduced to a cultural cliché...that's just what i need. Heh.

I wonder sometimes..am i living the dreams of onlookers on the streets, hoping to have a taste of my life, experience the intoxications of getting things with a blink of an eye? Or am i living the dreams of the singing supermodel?

ssx