Delicious Demon

When a 20-something single woman comes down with nothing to do or simply just too lazy to think of going out at the end of the week...there must be something wrong with her. That was me last friday. Nothing and absolutely no one could talk me out of my laziness. Curly, being the clubber these days, informed me of her appearance at the club that night.

Honestly, i was dying to go out. Just to be with myself. Have fun for myself. That paranoia i had last week still lingers. What ever happened to those days when that single gal of the city could just go out and have hassle-free endless party nights? When did it all become so scary? Remember how sneaking out of your friend's place to a dodgy underage party was cool and memorable? Even jumping down from the 2^nd floor wasn't scary. It was for curly though..when she landed flat on her back and thought a patch of dirt on her knee was blood. Ahhh the good old days.

Here i am, in front of the PC, having trouble trying to put everything i felt into words.

Last friday sweater and i went back to my place after my quick appearance in a not so fabulous event. I have been invited to feature in an experimental band. If i haven't known the guitarist and if he didn't invite me to write for the band's 2^nd album, i would've been their no. 1 fan.

Unlike my other band, this one is very cool with whatever. This is the advantage of just making some fashionable appearances in someone's life. No commitment, no strings attached. Despite having not to show up at – at least 3 shows in a row, the band could still play without me. They used to play instrumental before i came along. My job was to look good, come to the studio and shows on time and be a little bit more expressive than usual.

That's how it is in life too. When you're not that significant in anyone's lives, you tend to look like the best of you. Nothing is a problem.

When sitting in my old couch wearing nothing but my bra and my stretchy pants feeling all 90's, is one of the highlights that nite, sweater and i settled for a short course of french language class. I was the ultimate kinky teacher and she was the short-tongued student. We laughed our tears out knowing that none of us have any idea of the right pronunciation. Not even when the french came from the crossed G's dress' care label i had in posession.

While laughing, i have had my mind work overtime over the fact that i'm single, lonely, reading what i thought was french from the back of my dress and desperately broke. I only have one person in mind to see and that is mr CHINAMAN.

He called and told me he had to work at another club – not the one i call home. He said i could swing by if i like. Swing? I could barely handle multiple flings! As i thought deeper, sweater asked me to just get ready for whatever. So i did.

I had two options in hand. To go to upperside of my home-club and see curly and all the fabulous sexually confused boys in the city. Or, i could just settle for a less expensive ride with my roller-coaster chinaman. On the freeway, i made up my mind and for sure, i think seeing chinaman is worth the one hour journey.

Just as i parked my car right in front of the club, i took off my disguise jacket and wanted to get ready for my weekend act, when chinaman gave me the shock of my life and open the door for me. He looked more street that i have seen him before. Being shorter than i am in a few inches, he does not look insecure and self-conscious as other men would always be towards my supermodel height.

He took my hand like a gentleman always do and walked me towards the entrance. There were a lot of people standing out side the club, either drunk or high on substances as i could see the way they walk and shout at each other. But as i approached the curb, the crowd parted and there he was, looking all gorgeous, a bit skinnier than the skinny him i last saw....yes, my Jude Law...my sleeper. He looked at me with an amazement. Like i wasn't supposed to be there. Or like i wasn't supposed to be holding hands with his friend whom HE introduced me to in the first place.

All that flashed through my mind as i felt my knees started to shake. I didn't know whether it was because as how much i keep telling myself i am over him, i still miss him and sure was glad that his sight was fulfilling enough to make me fall for him all over again. Or was it because chinaman was holding my hand and was walking towards him.

Chinaman greeted sleeper while sleeper's eyes were still glued to mine.

Chinaman: hey sleeper...you remember ssx, don't you?

Sleeper: hey ssx, how are you?

I smiled calmly while my throat was longing to gulp another big flow of saliva. I replied,

ssx: i'm good, ermm...ehhhh...how are ya?

He just smiled. I'm not sure whether chinaman still remember how we were first introduced to each other by sleeper. Or did he do that on purpose? Sleeper looked awkward and excused himself saying he was going to another club nearby. As he walked off, i could feel a head-rush as though i was supposed to explain myself to him...but i just stood there. Everything around me silenced and i saw him walk away...with his friends who had no idea what was going on in our heads. He looked back and smile and made that “call me” sign.

We then sat outside the club at a table which was the only table left occupied. Since it was already 2.30 am, i wonder who were all these men sitting like its their club. Obviously the waiters were already clearing up the venue to do a closing 3. i was wrong, they were actually the owners. From the looks of it, they own the scene here in the city. Looking notoriously dangerous. Like the honky mafias we see on TV. They were very nice though, very attentive at pouring me glasses of their latest Bacardi design.

But in my mind, i was still blurred by sleeper's look on his face. Chinaman and the rest of the literal chinamen were all talking in their language when i suddenly remember the first time i went to see sleeper all by myself. I wore a black dress with black leggings. It was on a wednesday night. He was doing one of his minimal nights at the upperside club - me and curly are permanently glued to now. When i arrived, he brought me in and as we were going up the stairs, he said i looked nice. And when it came from someone that hot, its almost impossible not to have a big head.

The club was empty. Except for a table at the corner of my eye. I dared not look. For i was aiden's gf at that time. As sleeper goes back to back with sifu – aiden's dj teacher, he never failed to sit right next to me at my empty table across the more occupied one – whenever he gets the chance to. I realised the people from that table kept looking at mine whenever me and sleeper put our hands around each other. After awhile, when pretending to text curly was not pretentious enough, i succumbed to sleeper's invitation to join the other table. The men there were all very respectable. Names i only hear at a distance of the impossible. Faces i only thought to see at large events and never would have thought to sit intimately and being introduced to them.

First, sleeper introduced me to sifu. Sifu looked awkward. Maybe because he knew i was aiden's gf. Then it was chinaman, whom me and curly thought was japanese. Funny.

Sleeper: ssx, this is chinaman.

Ssx: yea, i know chinaman.

Sleeper: u know chinaman?!?!

Ssx: not know-know him. I just know off him..

When sleeper left me to go up the console, chinaman started to talk to me. He was that typical chinaman who looked so cool with his squint-y eyes. We exchanged numbers and thats how it all started.

...

My thoughts came to a halt when i realised chinaman left the table to help the crew clean up the venue and i was left at the table by myself. Waiters came to shoo me and i stood by the working men putting the anniversary balloons in boxes. And again, i pretended to try to send someone a text msg.

Chinaman invited me over to his place after that. I was kinda hoping that sleeper would call me up, but i guess, what the hell. His place is very near to my mom's. But in another area which is so foreign to me. The area he lives in, is one of those you would cry frantically if you get lost in the middle of it. I once took a wrong turn and end up being there late at night, i had tears waiting to roll down my cheek and no, i'm not that dramatic usually.

We often talk on the phone and he always tells me how he's from a poor family...with dogs around the house. Driving into his neighborhood was hell. But when we arrived there, i was so surprised that his house was huge! Its split into two levels and the whole of the upper level is his. All his.

I toured the whole entire place. Nice, very clean, organized. I could see myself crash that place after a night of hardcore partying. There's no bed, but a queen-sized mattress on the floor in one of the many rooms. Kinda reminded me of dj hell's room. Not that i've been there, but i have seen it on the internet. Very minimal. Nothing screams scary bachelor, not even the skin care products by the side of his bed. There were some large iconic figurines, and i guess they were expensive. What caught my eyes were his collection of records. All sorts. I was tempted to look, and he even asked me to choose any one to play but i didn't. He was testing me on my musical skills, knowledge. I like guys who like girls who think, opinionated. He asked me all sorts of questions while he rolls up some joints. I was comfortable, smiling at him is one of the things i enjoy doing.

2 joints and a bottle of plain water later, i discovered that he has 2 elder brothers, none married, his father was a gangster whom his mother threw out years ago, his mother was also a sort-of gangster, and his dog, has lived for more than 15 years. Some weird stuff i learned that night. We took our lazy asses, swollen eyes and our intellectual conversation to the bedroom which overlooks the fair view of the tallest towers in the world. It was lovely. If it weren't for the fact that both of us were stoned to the bones and the fact that i knew at some point he wanted to initiate a kiss, i would've lied on the comfy setting.

He asked me to lie down if i wanted to. To my surprise, he's not one of those typical dj's i always encounter. You know, the narratively sexual type. He lied down on the floor asking me questions, smart questions i myself need to think twice before answering.

He sent me to my car hoping to get a taste of what's burning in my mouth. But i avoided it like how i always do ..everytime such gestures being laid down in front of me by him. The thought of me being lonely and wanting some closeness once in awhile could easily make me weak and give in. But the thought of me kissing mr lil at the same time? It wouldn't be fair. I did tell him that there are other men in my life. And he asked if he was any different than any of them...i said,

ssx: of all the men who tried to gain a piece of my heart and even those who tried to get into my pants, i think you're the most attentive :)

When i left his place, i wondered why in the world cant a girl like me kiss a good guy like him? Have i lost my trust so much in good men that i have to give in to the bad ones? At least the thought, the possibility of a bad guy treating you bad isn't as surprising.

Of all the shit i've been through...will i be able to trust again?

ssx