It's time to go back to where i really belong, the real world. Faraway from the absurd life of being the lazy-can't-do-this-and-that supermodel. After touring south for 6 shows and a radio interview, we had some time off to do whatever we want. And what i want is to sing with my band.
We had a show at a tiny bar somewhere far from where i stay. Alongside 2 big names in the groovy area, we agreed to play second that night. The day before the show, as usual, i had to arrange my schedule and stuff. So i called my long lost flame, Rossa.
Rossa is a guy i got close to back about a year plus ago when being jobless pushed me to sell some health products. We met few years prior to the closeness in a club after a show. I'm not too sure of how we actually got to talk to each other. But i remember vaguely of being invited for a dance. And i dont really dance on the dancefloor. I usually just do it in front of the mirror with sweater looking at me with an amazement of how weird i look trying to be sexy.
The dance was great. I remember being held close and he was spinning and we both had fun. Later that night, we head down to a private afterparty. How we got there..did we kiss..did he..uhmm..seriously, i cant remember. This was in 2004!
After that we didnt really talk to each other. We met a couple of times at shows. He raps. We then met when i text-ed everyone in the midst of desperation for extra money to pay off my car..and he was one of the few who replied.
He's a very nice guy who you know, you could trust. So i spilled out so many secrets on the first night we chilled together. At that time, i was with Aiden. The relationship was rocky as hell. I felt as though i needed someone to talk to. And Rossa was there to listen whenever i needed to talk.
We plunged into the unspeakable merely months after the get-together. I was at his place most of the time, i skipped work, i lost my ability to be in control of myself. I was sprung over this tiny guy. And plus, Aiden was in Australia when all this happened. Being with him was so much fun. We could talk about anything. We even use the same brand of deodorant! I introduced him to Sex & The City and he watched it from season 1 – 6! In no time, i felt like i was falling for him so i took a step back. He confessed his feelings towards me, us. It's a good idea of getting together if i was single. Or maybe i was only feeling like that to get back to Aiden? I wasnt sure. Till now, i still find myself being confused about the whole situation.
Maybe the thought of the word 'us' made us weak in the knees, and my unavailability..we stopped contacting each other. I tried to talk to him but he's always busy. Then i stopped. He was in the midst of recording his 2nd album which will be out early next month.
Rossa lives in a gorgeous townhouse near the bar we were gonna play at. I called him to ask if i could crash his place after soundcheck which was at 4 pm and in between that and the real show which was gonna start at 10 pm, i thought i could take a nap, shower and get dressed there.
He said yes. Despite all the confusion i caused. He has always been that guy who you could call whenever you need help. He once came all the way from his place to my area just to lend me some money to put in some petrol into my car. Yes, i'm that careless. And that broke too!
But the next day, he called saying he was gonna be busy with meetings so i can't crash his place.
Rossa: hey, i dont think you can come and chill at my place today
ssx: ouhhhhhh...errmmm..it's okay, maybe i'll come back to my house and rush back there.
Rossa: tell you what, i have a room at The Royale. You could take a nap there.
Silence
ssx: The Royale? Might as well i just go back to my mom's!
Rossa: do you know where the hotel is?
Ssx: That's in the city, rite?
Rossa: No, hun. It's rite beside the bar!
Ssx: ouhhhhhhhh (blushes)
I went to the bar for a soundcheack and went straight to the hotel room. It was fabulous! Just the kinda place i long to be in at the state of exhaustion i was in. i walked around. Alone. Naked. Nothing to do so i tried to call Rossa. He didnt pickup.
Some friends came up to the room to keep me company so it was better. At 10 pm, i went down to the bar. Many many of my friends were there. From school, work, the clubs..including Aiden and Chinaman....and LIL!!
Lil came while i just started singing our infamous number, which was perfect! From the stage i could see his beautiful eyes. Looking up at me as the crowd hid him once in awhile. The blinding lights didn't make us lose eye contact. I smiled and it just hit me of how much i missed him.
The show went smoothly with the backing vocals of curly. After the show, i had to attend to most of the people there, thanking them for coming. I looked around and lil wasnt there. Was i hallucinating?
Aiden had to leave for the club, Rossa went missing. But chinaman was there buying me drinks. I texte-ed lil..
ssx: i thought i saw you
lil: i'm at the top
as i was looking around with my 2nd glass of red wine, he called saying he had to rush back to the studio to do some amendments on some tracks he was recording. But he will try to come back to see me.
I was half pass drunk and thought i should go back to the room. I have work the next day. When i went up, Rossa was smoking up joints. And was ready to leave me alone. As he stood up from the bed i was lying in, i said, “hey..”. He came back and kissed me. I felt safe. I'm not alone. I looked at him, he smiled..
i told him, that he cant stay. He cant sleep in the same bed with me. He walked out. And as i tried to fall asleep, i couldnt. I've been living like this, alone in an empty room for so long. I needed him to put me to sleep soundly – in his nook. So i sent one last msg..
“can i sleep in your nook?”
and then i passed out.
When i opened my eyes, he was next to me. And it wasn't as dark as it was, i could finally see how 2 is better than one, how comfort can mean more than affection. I'm still not sure what that was that happened years ago between me and him, but i'm sure there's a strong reaction. Like wine and the colour red, like salt and the ocean.
There's no question to this one. Maybe it's a step away from the answer.
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