As i felt like the heat was getting into my skin and the humidity kept waking me up from sleep, i felt Lil's shoulder next to my face...and a blanket over my skin. I couldnt remember much of how i passed out, but i was sure there wasnt much cloth covering myself. My mouth tasted like dump and surely smells like it too...so as a normal girl who is still very conscious about her appearance, smell – u know, the nerve-wrecking beginning part of a new thing, went to the toilet to wash off the vodka smell out of my mouth. I crawled back under the sheet and accidentally woke Lil. He was tossing and turning complaining about the whether as how Englishmen would always start off a conversation with. That english side is only taking 50% of him, so i was safe.
Suddenly, while Lil was trying to go back to sleep, i got a text msg from aiden, “hey! I'm already at the jetty! Watchout islanders!”. The network coverage on the island esp on Lil's side was shitty. So when i checked the time sent, it was at 10 am and at that point, it was already 11+. i panicked. With my head still heavy, with the hot hot whether... there's no way i could walk back to my room. I tried to send him a msg telling him just go to my guitarist's room and get the spare keys from them because i couldnt remember my own room number. But i guess it was too late. By the time he received the msg he probably had already waited cluelessly on the beach for an hour. I felt so bad.
(11ish am) Ssx: “hey, i'm on the other side of the island with some of my friends, get the key from my guitarist. He's in room number 5”, so i thought i heard them saying that the night before at the bar.
After about an hour later, aiden replied: “it's okay, you take your time. I got into the room already”
I tried to sober myself up and so was Lil. He opened the door to ease the heat. I was looking for my keys and cigarettes when Lil said...
Lil: are you looking for your license?
Ssx: how do you know i brought my license?
Lil: your license, your room key, your marlboro reds. And oh yea...your 4 dollars :) you told me alotta stuff last nite. Hehe.
Ssx: i did? (shit! Shit! SHIT!)
Lil: yea i guess i dont have to go to the cinema to check out the movie since i already know the whole storyline. (grins)
Fuck. I told him about my possible acting job i was offered recently. That's it supermodel! Youre done.
I excused myself from getting more embarassed. He walked me halfway and i walk myself back through the jungle to my room.
When i got back, i saw aiden sleeping on my bed. I thought to myself, why am i doing this to him? Why do i become this sneaky lil whore who goes around having fun while this good guy right here was there all along. Yes, we broke up...but the things he would do to claim himself were tremendous. I was the one who invited him on this trip as a token of appreciation. He has showed me the world and not even once asked for anything in return.
And no, i didnt invite both aiden and lil to the island so i could do the oompa loompa with 2 guys. I invited lil at first..cuz he's more the island type. But he said he'd be busy...so i asked aiden if he would like to see the other side of the world, the more natural side which he was born not to have the energy to appreciate. He agreed.
I looked around the room looking for the unnecessary stuff he could possibly carry with him to the island. Maybe his macbook, burberry duffle, maybe even a pair of his Nike leopard print court force low. He is capable of being such a brat he is. I warned him about how we usually travel light to places where electricity isnt on 24 hours and tap water is salty.
And he listened. For the first time, he listened to what i say. This is how it is. When you are in a relationship, you pick on the negativity instead of appreciating the positive. You talk and he wont listen. You get frustrated and eventually you both stop talking. You keep it to yourself so long till it blows and by then it'd be too late. But when you break up, you realize the things you're missing out on and how listening to each other helps.
In aiden's case, it went on for 2 yrs plus. But somehow, when i only found a small backpack lying on the floor, i knew he finally wants to try my way.
I tried to wake him up. He opened his eyes and stared at me as if he knew where i was earlier, what i was doing, and with whom. Then he said he needed a couple of hours to rest. He was from a huge outdoor event in the city. One of his first breaks as a DJ. After he was done with the after party, he straight flew out to join me. I could see from his face, he partied too much with too much chemicals the night before so i bought him something to eat and off i went back to the happening beach.
I wore my striped bikini and Sleeper's baseball tee over it. I went to Joe's shop to get curly's bikini. Another excuse to talk to him. I was curious of how he takes my behavior the night at the bar.
As i was paying for the bikini, he asked, “you remember what we talked about last night?”
i smiled and just walked off. I enjoyed the attention, i enjoyed the feeling that more than 2 guys are willing to be with me, but as i was walking, i couldnt help but wonder...are they going to be there when i'm down and scared to my death?
I went back to the room to aiden's warm comfort.
Days went by and we were having the time of our lives. Aiden was being such a good sport. We were both checking out hot people at the beach. We sang, fought a little, made up and was flying high on life.
One day, i wanted aiden to see what i see at the happening beach. So we went down there and soaked ourselves in the beautiful coral-less clear waters of the island. We took off our kits and went skinny dipping...in the daylight! It was fun and wild. Him being a good friend didnt take any advantage from the whole situation.
I knew Lil would be on the beach somewhere. To sort his mission out of getting his roommate out of the lock-up. At about 6.30 pm, we head back to the open area which leads to the tropical jungle which we had to go through to go back to our side of the island. Just as we were walking, i saw a bunch of people by the beach..sitting on the sand.
And Lil was one of them. I stopped and said hi. Model, his brother was there and he was with his new girlfriend. I walked off knowing it'd be awkward with aiden behind me and he knew none of those people.
As we were just entering the tropics, my guitarist and his girlfriend came out of it and invited us to join them for dinner. So we did. We wanted to go back before dark so we could actually see where we were going...but what the hell.
As we were having dinner, model came to our table to join us. He introduced us to his girlfriend. She was nice, and pretty too. Thought lil would come join us too, but he just passed us by with a weird look and said ,”gonna get a shower, guys”.
It was weird, plain weird.
The final night we were on the island, some locals who heard me singing in front my room while being so high that i couldnt remember i ever did that, invited us to play acoustic at lil's resort. And while getting ready, i borrowed my drummer's cellphone to check my msgs. Ouh, by the way, i dropped my whole bag in the water when we went diving and clever me brought my good ol phone, aiden's phone, a digital camera and an underwater camera with us onto the boat..so everything sogged. It went downhill from there.
A text msg came in and to my surprise, it was lil. He said, “party at mine. Tonight”. Hell yeah i will!
We got there and a DJ was already spinning, so there goes the chance of singing acoustic out of the window. Lil was sitting on the bar, yes...ON the bar alone. He looked sad as he always does. I went up to him and we talked for abit. He didnt look so happy so i left. Because i'm never the type who be all “awww..you dont look so well” or “is there anything i could do to make it better?”. Na-ah.
Aiden and i stepped out when a fight was starting to scare us a lil bit. So we walked to palm tree in the heavy rain. Joe was there. He looked at me and just smiled. As though he was inviting me over to talk to him. Aiden was enjoying the rain and was talking to lil's band mate.
Ssx: hey, tonite's my last night here. So maybe during this coming monsoon..if you decide to come down to the city...we could chill or something.
Joe: oh yeah? What happened the other nite? You left early. How did you go back?
Ssx: ouuhhh...ermm lil sent me back cuz he's been very protective. We've know each other for years...
Joe: i heard you slept with him
Ssx: excuse me?!?!
Joe: yea...you heard me. Someone told me you had sex with lil
My face was numb, i could feel a truck running me over with the speed of a train. My mind was exploding and in my heart...i just wanted to get out.
Joe: are you playing games with me? You went back with lil, your ex is here with you and youre trying to flirt with me?
Ssx: you know what, i'll make it easier for you. I'm leaving.
He grabbed my arms and screamed...
Joe: Lil! Lil was the one who told me and you know what? He said the sex was boring!
Wait. NOW my head really explodes. My tears were flooding and i could feel like the world spinning around me slowly as i tried to make my way through the crowd. I could see lil from the corner of my eye. I dare not look at him as i could feel my anger and fear building up to form the violent supermodel i used be.
I left palm tree wishing i had never known that place, the people. It was a typical dramatic scene in a soppy movie. A broken hearted girl walking or practically running in the rain.
I got into the room and took so much chemicals and tried so so hard to forget about everything that happened. What made me so sad was not the fact that Joe got to know anything that happened, it was about lil. Why did he tell someone who's a no one and God knows how many other people on the island has known about it.
I cried and i cried. Aiden who didnt know anything, comforted me and told me that everything will be okay. But little did he know...nothing will ever be okay from then on.
On our back to the city, we met lil's brother at the airport. I couldnt look at him in the face thinking he could be one of those who knew about what happened. He acted normal but i didnt. The first thing that came to my mind was...everybody knew what happened and it was boring.
When i got back at my mom's place from the airport, i rushed to the phone with my backpack still on my back. I called Lil. I feel that i deserve a damn good explanation from him.
Ssx: hey lil
Lil: hey whats up? Youre home?
Ssx: yea. Hey lil, did you tell anyone what happened the other nite?
Lil: why would i? It'd be very immature of me to do so. What happened?
Ssx: someone told me you've been telling people and what we did was boring. And i can't tell you who.
Lil: If i think youre boring, we wouldnt be talking now. I wouldnt be picking up your phonecalls, we wouldnt be doing it over and over again. I'm a blunt guy. I say it when i feel it, straight up. No hassle. Do you wanna believe a stranger?
Ssx: i'm not saying i believed him. Thats why i'm calling to ask you first. I'm a big girl lil, you can say it to me. If you have anything to say, just say it. No wonder you were acting all weird the whole time.
Lil: i was acting weird because your ex was there and i hate the whole complication. i didnt say those things alright. Please trust me.
Ssx: so i trust you?
We continued talking and for the first time we actually talked...in a state of utter soberness. People might say he's lying and that anyone wouldve denied it. But i just wanted to judge it by myself. And i personally think he was telling the truth.
Minutes went by when i realized i should get myself sorted. So as we hung up, i started my mission. Then i received a msg from him.
“Anyways, I think that was quite low of JOE to say something like that. I did not say those things but i do remember joe saying he had a chance with you so he was curious where we went”.
He knew it was Joe. Stupid Joe! Men are getting smarter i can see. They used to have birds flying in their brains but now, they keep it busy with thinking of how to get a woman in bed with them even if it calls for a low low act of telling on their friends and even worst, telling on something which wasnt even true.
The trip wasnt a perfect one, yes. I lost 2 phones, 2 cameras, a striped top which fell in the middle of the sea and a summer fling. A whole lotta gift for the nature. Nature might need a little techno to spice things up, u know. And the classic Dolce lime top was my fashionable gift to the nature. A turtle might find it fancy and parade it around the beach or something.
I did good. i guess. And remember how i wish i hadnt known that island. I take that back. I will surely make a come back and when i do, i'd be more fabulous than ever...
Ssx
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