Red Carpet of Disaster

Last week was the most hectic week this year. So many things had to be sorted and at last, i celebrated this year's festive event with a major migraine. Something i thought i never had to experience. Being the only child to a single mother is one thing, but being the only responsible one amongst most is another.

From handling what's running in my car engines to what's hanging on my windows to what's left in my already half empty pocket. This is not me whining, this is me smiling proudly after making it through hell and is still, smokingly alive.

I saw some very interesting yet disturbing situations around me. And the one that made it to the peak of the list, would be the situation of being in between a torn family.

People used to think being married, have children and then get divorced is one helluva massive news to read. Nowadays, it's happening everywhere. To the person sitting in the next cubicle in your office, to those little children walking home with their maids from kindergarten, to the first lady of a world class organization and more.

I am a child of a broken family.

It didnt mtter much to me when i was younger thinking why are all these teenagers blaming their parents on what they've become? Why are they hating their parents so much? Why does getting busted for smoking in the school toilet become the parents' fault? My father wasn't around and still is, and i'm doing fine. I didnt need a strong male figure in my life for me to still have my ways in the right direction.

But now that i'm old enough to think and to have my friends go though divorce and such, i'm starting to understand why breaking a family up is one of the most bizzare things that could happen in ones life. And how it could effect the whole extended family for generations to come.

My mother was forced to marry a distant cousin of hers when my late grandfather realized my mother wasnt doing well with her personal love life. After just 5 months of being married, they called it quits and until now, i've never ever seen my real father. Sad, one must think, even worst for me, who's going through it. Life goes on, and so did my mother and i.

This is different from those who grew up to having both parents in the same house, in the same circle of trust and at the end, the parents split. What happens to the children? Where do they go? Who do they trust now?

I was raised knowing i could only trust my mother. I dont know who my father is, so why trust him?

I have friends, cousins who are going through some hard times trying to figure out what was going on in their family lives. I went though it when i was young and am still recovering from it. Children who suffers this problem, usually create their own worlds.

I remember telling my friends that my father was a criminal, who hits my mom so badly, my mother threw him out of the house. Sometimes, i told my friends, my father was an angel who flew away as an invisible bubble. Sometimes, i said that my foster father was my real father and he and my mother got married secretly.

Pathetic and lost. I was.

That was a child going though it since she could even remember. How about those who are going through it now? At a teen age or even an adult age?

This festive season is made for families to get together, be together after spending a whole year being busy with work and school. This is the time when everyone should be happy...together.

I have cousins and friends having troubles thinking of which side to be with this year. If they go with their father, who will be there to pick up their mother? If they go with their mother, who's going to cook for their father?

Torn in between what's left of their parent's dark history.

Now that i'm old enough to go out and look for my own life-partner, i experience things. Weird things.

I've always been THE GUY of the family, who takes care of my mom, who purchase her own belongings, who never quits, who wants to be in charged of everything because she's always in charge. When a guy wants to step into my life and be the guy who wants to take care of me, i take a step back thinking the guy is underestimating me capabilities of surviving this awful world.

Aiden once said:

If you need help, ask and dont give hatred in return. You deserve good things. Love yourself and you will open up to be loved.

Lil said:

You dont have to so macho all the time, you know.

Lately i've been having some thoughts. Of how in the world do i let my ego down and for once let those who love me, in.

This is post is not meant to say fathers should be blamed for what they have left and for what their children had to suffer now. This is for all of us, for not repeating the same mistakes anyone could've caused. History should taught us something, if it doesn't...then what good is sacrifice?

Ssx

This is dedicated...

to my mother, who was there when i needed someone. Who stood up for my rights to be loved and be taken care of. Regardless of whether she could or not, at that very crucial time of her life. Who didnt think of anything else, any excuses for not having me, but to still stick around and be gutsy enough to call me her daughter.

To the children of a broken family. I salute you for still standing. To always have faith in no one but God and yourselves. You guys are the most of the most fabulous of all.