She says, he says, they say. I say?

Few things people don't know about me. I barf nearly every morning when i brush my teeth and i love being in front of the camera. No, not while i barf..and yes, i love the camera and the camera obviously loves me. It's only mutual. I actually practice my pose in the mirror to see which angle do me taller. I earned the supermodel title, because wherever i go, wherever i stand, squat, lie ...whenever with whomever, i will always strike a pose. It's like I'm traveling with my own lighting director and a complete setting of a fashion spread photo shoot. Not!

Who am i kidding?

Nobody's perfect in this world. But when i cant be perfect, I'll try my best to be as close to perfection as possible. I dress good, not expensive. I dine well, not expensive either. I date notorious talented musicians, definitely not expensive. I used to cut my own hair out of boredom. Pierced my eyebrows (3 times) myself. I make my own clothes – (my prom dress costs me 50 bucks and i won best dressed).

I live in a world where doing it yourself is better than getting it in stores. Some say I'm a hippie (curly), some say I'm creative and talented (family and friends)..but most say I'm just plain lucky. Ick.

Let me get this straight, so the rest think that i just sit at home, do nothing and luck comes tumbling down from the 7^th heaven? This might sound a tad bit too cliché, but honey...

“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity” – Little Black Book

Let's go back, way back in the days where i was a virgin and my band mates just learn the proper way to shave.

School.

I sleep 70% out of the whole duration of being in school. Primary, secondary..rega

rdless. But i always score good results. Why? Because when everybody was out partying, talking for 5 hours on their parents' landlines with some hip hop guy who rides scoots, getting their beauty sleep, i was up and awake. Studying.

Singing.

In the early days of trying to find my identity in singing, i had to try just about anything and do just about everything i could (sleeping with organizers..not one of them!). From classical, soul to ska-punk to indie-pop-rock. Then i met an organizer through a certain most hated ex-boyfriend. The organizer, Tod had a little thing for me. He knew i sang so he invited me to sing with a big band whom I've watched over the past years. From then on, after getting to know some musicians from the shows i did with the band, i was known...a little at least.

Work.

Work is good when i didn't have to think of what people think about me. But as time goes by, and you see the same shit-faced-gossip mongers everyday...you hear things, you see things – clearer. I never thought I'd be the one to say this, but I've become so conscious of what people might think or say..it's driving me nuts.

I hate the fact that people think it's too easy being me. Guys want me, girls wanna be me (curly)..what could possibly be so hard about that? One might think. If guys want me, i wouldnt have any problems calling Lil and tell him of how much i want to see him.

Somehow, I do get a feeling that people may say that I've been using my sexuality towards getting what i want in life. Isn't sex another form of power? And when men could use their power to get whatever they want in bigger scale, why do women resort to feeling ashamed when they do the same?

I haven't for once used sex as an exchange for anything except for plain pleasure. I play my game clean so at the end of the day, when wrinkles appear and my children are around to hear things about their Singing Supermodel mom, i wont have to clean the mess I've made.

I worked hard to get to where i am (which is still nowhere) now. No free rides, no closetted high class prostitution, no cheap thrills but maybe just a bit of harmless flirtation.

Sometimes, i think this blessing is a curse in disguise. Then I'd sound ungrateful. But other times i thought...

“I'm here because of you, so now go jump out the window.”

ssx