Remember when at one point in your life you feel like you wanna be sexist? Anti-male or anti-female. You thought that all you need in your life are just the people of the same sex as you. Some stayed that way...well others including me, moved on from that phase. It's something all of us have gone through. Funny to think about it now. Especially when teens hit their 20-somethings, they went straight against what they preached.
Majority have met the ones they fancy in their early teens. They are the ones blessed to be in co-ed schools. For me and curly, its quite difficult because we came from an all-girls school. Sucks. Everything dawned onto us right after we graduated high school. How to talk to boys. The first feeling of having to admire the opposite sex.
We're not all so duh dumb you see. We have been in a band with 4 guys. We totally rocked being a 'just a girlfriend' to the boys. And we kinda know how to flirt a lil.
But when it comes to the guys we really like...we suck!
Situation 1:
After a long period of time of not seeing lil and the few initial meet-ups were totally accidental, i went to see him at a gig he was organizing. He just got back from the island. So i couldnt wait to see him in his new skin. Should be hot, i thought. As i walked into the gig, i got more and more nervous. Sweater and shopper calmed me down. In there, i saw him and i knew he saw me. But i looked away. Either wanting him to come to me and say hi or i wasnt ready to look at him in the face. In my mind, there were millions of assumptions. Am i putting myself out there – too much? Do i look okay? Does he think i was stalking him?
Then we waited outside and i called him to tell him we were leaving. He came down and he was looking hotter than ever. Maybe because all this while he was just as pale as i was. I dont know. Maybe. But that nite he looked....
lil: hey guys, whats up?
Ssx: so...u're dark (shit! Motherfucker fuck shit!)
lil: erk...yea, i just got back from the island, remember?
Ssx: yea! (shrieky)
Why did i have to say that? Why? Why? I wanted to go back and crawl in bed and suffocate myself with my pillow.
Situation 2:
One night at a bar, i was with Dennis and curly and their friends whom i've never met before. We were having a drink when lil sent me a text msg that was so sweet i could barely stop smiling. He said he saw me for a distance. Since dennis, a danish friend of mine knew in and out about my roller coaster ride with lil, i told dennis right then and there. We were trying to fake a sore neck while looking around for him when lil came by and kissed my cheek. He said hi and invited me to a club for an after party with some bands he brought from philipines. I had to bite my lips and said no politely although everybody knew i wanted to join so bad.
When he left, he left a note..
U looked yummy. Felt like kissing you :)
I smiled the whole way home. He's a drug. I couldnt get enough of him. I had the sudden urge of seeing him not next week, not in 2 days time. I wanted him the next day. I didnt care of whatever's gonna happen.
The next day, a Friday which was my day, i asked him of where he would be. He never liked going to clubs but somehow because i was always there, he suddenly became apart of the club family.
I was working late so when i reached the city, it was already 2.30am! I didnt want my micro mini skirt to come to waste. As usual, we were acting all awkward to each other. None of us said anything and suddenly i became a chain smoker. I knew he was dying to check me out. So at the bar. I climbed on the stool and bent over to call the bartender. Just to give him a sneak preview of what he'll be getting if he could only talk to me more.
I knew he was looking but i kept cool and so did he.
We went back to his place with the boys (as usual). I was on the couch and he was 2 metres away from me and was desperately trying to talk to me from that distance. The boys left us alone. He came and sat beside me after i told him that there was nothing to be scared about.
At times like these, i often do the wrong things, babble some wrong wrong stuff. While i was embarrasing myself, he reached for my thigh and started drawing something with a bic blue pen.
I asked...what's that? He covered it and said its supposed to be a yet to be revealed masterpiece. I played along and while he was drawing, i looked at his head. Cute!
And as the artist finished his masterpiece, he announced it proudly....ta-daaa!!!
it said..
“LIL”
That's it? He took half an hour to only write that? I asked him why did he write his name there? Then he said..
“so when you bop your head somewhere and lose your memory, you will wonder who the hell is LIL. And LIL will always be in your mind”
I didnt need his name to be on my thigh for me to think of him all the time. It's already embedded safely in there. Whether as a prick or a sweet guy, it depends on time.
I had to call it a night when i realized it was already 5.30 am. He walked me to my car which was parked down a hill, between some huge huge scary yet beautiful trees. We were talking and laughing and everything started to feel comfortable and nice. Just right.
As we stopped in front of my car, i could see the moon shining so brightly upon us, the scary trees and everything was so clear. I said goodbye and kissed his cheek. When i stepped away, lil pulled me and kissed me...and that my friend, is what we call THE PERFECT FIRST KISS.
It didnt take me long before i could feel my legs numbing and mind was at ease. Images of launching rockets in my head. Birds flying in front of a plane. Double scoops of sinful strawberry ice cream. Jimmy Choo's peep-toe pumps. Gorgeous apartments of Jade Jagger's designs. Curly's boobs. The island....ahhhh the island.
I pulled away immediately, and by immediately i mean after thousands of seconds of passion, i tried to open my eyes and smile. But i couldnt! Shikes! I took some steps back blindly. The uneven ground made my unsure steps look like i was damn wasted. As i saw some light blurly, i realized i could open my eyes slowly. I smiled foolishly with my eyes crossed. Wtfffff???
I rushed into my car feeling like a dumbass and i saw lil smiling at me trying to hold back some hardcore laughter.
I told sweater and curly the next day. They laughed their hearts out.
So here's the thing, when did liking a guy become a stupid thing to do? And if so, does putting yourself out there means that you're also putting your abnormal behaviour at stake?
Okay, honestly it took me two days to finish this FULL OF LIL entry. I'm losing my touch. I realize i've been talking too much about lil. I kept telling myself i was going to be over him soon...but then again,
So why the drama?
This, ladies and gentlemen...is the obvious case of obsession and this is exactly what 'giving in too soon' could do to a girl. It's a good month, a holy month. A month to cleanse and relax. I should clean my thoughts from thinking about what i should be getting and start thinking of what i could give..more. Right rossa?
I might be talking more about lil in the future, but for now...i have more important stuff to think about.
To those driving back to your hometowns, have a safe drive back. Later!
There's no significance to this graphic, actually. Just thought it would be nice to know there are still people in this world who could be so lucky and be amazed that some can actually multi-task.
ssx
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