Lost In Both Worlds

They say that life in the city is way more fabulous than in other places. They were right. When i just got back from south partying my heart out last week, i came down with a major migraine. Very rare because of all the drugs i took, it should be more than cured by now. I was lying on my bed one night when i had the sudden urge to call someone. Anyone, no actually...Dan.

I totally forgot that i dont have his number. So i texted an aquaintance to ask for it. When a single gal wants to have fun, she doesnt care of what anyone would say.

The sms-es were cool and sexy. And we were really hitting it off.

Ssx: i forgot to tell you something the other day, you're so hot its making me uncomfortable thinking about you at night..

Dan: Can i make you more uncomfortable?

There it was, the most uncomfotably cute sms sent by someone i like. Dan always replies to my msgs, loves to know how i'm doing and definitely sweet. As usual, making him my latest object of obsession, i tend to send him text msgs everyday.

The next day, while getting ready for a halloween party i was obligated to attend and was a committee too, i told sweater who was in my room getting ready as well..

ssx: i'm going out with Dan tonite. I'm so excited!

Sweater: has he actually asked you out?

Ssx: no...but i'm sure he will soon.

Sweater: okay...whatever you say..

At the party, i was impressed with the turn out. Everybody was in their best costumes and they looked happy. I was supposed to be the photographer for the evening. I didnt know how to operate the camera so i end up being the model in everyone's photos and while some strangers took the pictures for us.

Rocking a blonde storm-like wig, i was get'n wiggy wid it and while my hair was fake, i wasnt faking my excitement to be there, even when i was there alone. After the party, i decided to join my married friend, Fary at a club in the city.

She invited me after we both realized that we haven't been out as often and the gossips were just about to explode if we waited another weekend to update each other. Fary was a girl who's just about another ordinary girl who found love at a very young age. I knew her through a bunch of friends Aiden made me chill with. At first, i thought she looked quite matured as the way she spoke to me. She has this one look that one day she just might be the wife of a rich lord o' something.

She looked as though she had it all. At that point of time, the city was suddenly flooded with wavy-haired-cock-sucking-freeloaders who were obviously not from the city. I thought she was one of them. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

She's not what i thought she was. She's just a gal who knew how to have fun and knew how to manage her bank account that she could kick in some nice coutures while doing it – despite being a student.

A friend of ours, a handsome 34 year old farmer was looking for a life partner and without any doubt, we introduced him to Fary. 3 months and a Bali trip later, they tied the knot. Fary, being the 22 year old girl still had the temptation of going out to clubs or just for gossip-coffees with her girls just like any other 20 somethings would do.

So i walked up the exclusive club with the dress i wore for the album cover, nice make up and i was ready to party. Fary, looking all gorgeous brought me straight to the bar as if we were running out of time. She then blurted,

Fary: okay...Aiden's spinning tonight

I looked around and there he was, in the console. He saw me and came by to say hi. It was all very clear at that very moment that we are really really single and meeting each other up accidentally was the best way to keep it that way.

Fary introduced me to the birthday boys who turned out to be one of my cousin's friends' ex-girlfriend. That's how it works nowadays – you can't swing a Fendi purse without hitting one of anyone's exes.

The birthday boys took the liberty of ordering few bottles of champagne. While trying to be friendly at a party i wasn't exactly been invited to, some really good looking men passed us by. Some sat with us, some were already too drunk to realize we were there. Looking at all the beautiful people around us, i thought - some might think this is the best crowd to party with. Everyone was either extremely successful at a very young age – their 30 somethings, or maybe inherited some very seemed to be unfair load of money or just plain gorgeous and somehow would make us predict that they will succeed one day. They were the perfect bachelors.

As the champagne bottles emptied one by one, i learnt that most would spark a conversation with..

“Fary! I cant believe you got married!”

“I just got divorced...”

“My wife is at home cuz we just had a baby”

“This is my wife..”

I was officially the only single gal there in a party full of marrieds. But then i had a thought..

What constitutes marriage these days? Isnt it supposed to be the end of your party life? If we get to go out as how we did when we were single, what's the difference?

Some say that when you're married, it's time you concentrate more on your marriage, means stay home, cook, do dishes, laundry and everything we thought we never had the time to do.

Some say that when you're married, and if your better half is cool enough, you get to party together and it'd be safer knowing both will go back with the same person.

Some, i can see...have their better halves at home watching tv or play the PS3. Very often these days that i always get to party with married couples and they seemed fine.

I stepped out of the club when i realized it was already 3 am. Aiden left with a dj friend. And i was looking for Fary. Somehow, a married gal is more to be taken care of rather than a single one. I had to, just in case some forgets their married status.

When i found her, she was asking if she could get a ride with me. I was going east and she was to go west. And as mush as i wanted to, it was already so late and i hate driving at night – alone.

We called aiden to know whether he was still in the area and luckily he was. He was having supper at a nearby restaurant. We stopped by to plan on how Fary was gonna go back. I'm never a fan of a late night supper after a club nite. It just feels so wrong. While your thick make up feels gorgeous in the darkness of the club, it wouldnt look so nice in the bright lights of a restaurant. And people will look at you - up and down with your breath smells strongly of alcohol. It's just ick.

Since i guess Dan was already drunk somewhere in someone elses car (with the way he didnt reply to my msg), I had to be there for Fary since i kinda know how it feels like to be alone and nowhere to go. She doesnt drive so its even worst.

After supper, she called a male friend to pick her up there. So it goes back to the question raised...what constitutes marriage?

...

On Saturday, i was all dressed up to attend to a dinner party a cousin invited me to. I wore a black poofy dress with stones and a rather huge diamond ring – fake one of course. I was planning to make a joke about how i dont have a date and just say that “i'm engaged! - to myself”. Before anyone could ever start asking “where's aiden?” or “why didnt you invite aiden?”

I left the dinner party feeling like i needed to party more. So on my way back, i was hoping to get to see Dan, so i texted him... he replied funny. Or so i thought.

I tried to call just about everyone, but everyone was not free. With my make up still fresh, i went home to my comfy bed, took off my clothes and just lie there. This is what happens when you put yourself out there.

...

The next day i went to a friend's place. Her name is Brooke. Brooke was my bestfriend since school. Like curly and i, we were inseparable. My relationship with Brooke was very different from my relationship with curly. Brooke is a not-so single girl who has not left her parents place since high school. I used to go to her place which was near to mine after school. She was absent at about 60% of the days throughout the whole year. Since i couldnt skip school or my dad's driver will tell on me, so i had no chance but to see her after school.

When the whole school decided to go to college except for Brooke, who wanted to extend another year in school, we didnt get to see each other as much. But when i was 19 and was desperately trying to look for help with my intoxications, i ran to her parents place – it's time for rehab!

Being young and was desperately trying to lose the bad habit, i got hooked on alcohol. I remember sneaking into her house at about 6 am and fell tumbling down her stairs and woke everyone up. Haha.

So now that we've grown but she's still there and still the same, i couldnt help but to still want to know how she's doing. We had a talk about the men in my life. In her life, there's only two..Kay and her father (i'll get to this, promise). Her loyalness to Kay is never to speak of.

After realizing brooke was not fond of the description i gave about Dan, she then asked me...

Brooke: do you wanna be with a guy like this, ssx?

Ssx: yea..he's really nice!

Brooke: He has tattoes all over his body, c'mon ssx...these kinda guys can never be the guy we could marry

On a second thought, it's not really about the tattoo. It's because of the pain he's bound to cause me which made it looked interesting and worth trying.

So i sent him a text msg..

Ssx: Excuse me dear sir, when are you bringing me out?

Dan: i gotta be honest to you kid, i dont feel comfortable bringing a friend's ex out. I'm that kinda guy.

WOW! Wouldnt it be easier if all the men in this world could just say it.

“I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU”

6 words which could spare us all the thinking, the time and energy and the confusion. When i told Brooke of what he said, Brooke said ..

Brooke: see, he's an asshole, hunny. Forget about him..let's find you a nice conservative guy.

He's not asshole. He had just been the world's gutsiest man on earth. I smiled and thought to myself. Married, single, happy, lonely or whatever we are...we're just the same. We will resort to feeling like each of us once in awhile.

Just that at the end of the day...which title are you willing carry?

And when it comes to not being in a relationship, can we be single but still have sex actively like those in a relationship?

ssx